If Dustin Byfuglien Shows Up To Your Beer League Hockey Game, Just Pack It Up And Head Home Right Away
Beer league hockey is supposed to be a safe haven for all of us out there who loved playing the game, but just never got very good at it. A place where you can show up and barely be able to make it up and down the ice without getting completely winded. A place where you don't even have to think about backchecking one time. A place where as long as you show up with some beers for the boys and provide a good time, it doesn't matter if you manage to send every pass directly into your teammates' skates. Maybe you get lucky every once in a while and pick up a secondary assist. But the main reason why you show up every week is because you love the game and you love being around the fellas.
What you DON'T show up to do is get completely fucking obliterated coming across the blueline with your head down by Big Buff.
I know the guy hasn't played hockey in 4 years at this point, but you still don't want to come anywhere near that behemoth of a man when you're wearing a different color jersey than him. He might be all smiles before the game but once that puck gets dropped, it's only a matter of time before his natural instincts start to kick in again. And those instincts are to destroy anything with a pulse.
You might run into a couple of jackasses throughout your beer league hockey career. Guys who are divorced and their kids hate them and their boss rides their ass all day at work. They're just looking to take their anger and frustration out on somebody else out there. But the most they can do is send you home with a few scrapes and bruises. Dustin Byfuglien could end your life if he wanted to and all it would take is for you to have your head down for a split second. Considering it's beer league and everybody skates around with their head down the whole game, that's a recipe for disaster when Dusty Buff is patrolling the blue lines. And also if you see him winding up for a clapper, seek shelter immediately.